we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
