Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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