He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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