But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
