Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Fuck appropriateness.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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