Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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