peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
