if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
