Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
