he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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