my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
