She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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