Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
