How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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