My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
