I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
