Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
