There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
