so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, beer. Big fan.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it