I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
