I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?