So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs