I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
