At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
