I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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