she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we're making bets on your personal life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
