I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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