I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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