I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
