i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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