Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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