Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
