smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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