the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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