Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
