i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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