I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
