is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
