I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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