I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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