I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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