I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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