he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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