dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize