If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
