Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
