this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
