Say something about gay babies.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.