Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.