I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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