u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
