You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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