it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
