I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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