Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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