I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize