I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
