She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
