Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
