I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
