When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
