my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
