I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
