Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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