I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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