They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
